It was a long way, not always easy
to get there. I felt cold, I felt warmth, I saw the sun, and I saw the moon. I
met people, so many. Some of them were dancing, some were singing, some were
acting, writing, painting. I met people who smiled, people who cried, people
who suffered. It wasn’t always easy, but it was important. I needed it all.
Because they are all part of my experience, part of me. What would I be, how
would I be, if some things didn’t happen the way they did? What if I wouldn’t
have met some people? Would I still be the same person I am right now?
There’s no doubt that I made the
right choice, not always in my life, but most of it. There are things I regret,
but the really important decisions, well, they weren’t wrong. One of them was
starting to write again. I did this all my life, and when I was writing my play
“Like A Fairytale” in 2006, I remember my Mom saying: “Do something useful, do
the household or help gardening.” My Dad was fine with it, he just let me
write, because he knew that I liked it. I still do, and he still knows, and now
also my Mom does. So the decision I made, to start this blog one year ago, was
good for me. I could write, not only stories, I could write about things that
were just going on in my mind. And I could get in touch with new people, people
who let me know their opinion, people who inspire me because they also write
about interesting stuff.
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| What and who is in our heart? picture by Barbara Unterberger |
One year ago I wrote about my
Granny, and because Easter is not far away anymore I wanna write about her
again. I still miss her. She died in the year 2000, 2 days after her birthday.
She was very weak on her final days, and she had to leave this world just way
too soon. She was caring a lot, she had the greatest heart a person could have,
she loved music, she had the melody in her heart. And she was strong. He had
cancer, and the doctors gave her only a few months after the diagnosis, but she
lived 10 more years. She was a fighter, and she didn’t want anyone to be sorry
for her or to treat her differently. She doesn’t want her family, us, to
suffer, too. She kept saying that she was okay. She was smiling, she was enjoying
every single day of her life.
The day when my Dad told me, he had
to go and drive to my Granny, I knew that she passed. I just nodded, tried to
distract myself by watching some TV and keeping an eye on my little brother. My
Mom told me later a story about her Mom, when she was a little kid and her Dad
was in the Second World War, and the whole family just wanted to have him back.
One day my Granny as a little girl was setting the dinner table with her
brothers and sisters, as they all heard someone coming upstairs. They knew it was
him, they were all so happy to see their Dad again. My Granny opened the door,
but no one was there. About 2 weeks later they got a letter that he died.
I thought about this story a lot. Why
did they all hear him? I think he came home, and everyone could feel him. I remembered
how I had the feeling that my Granny was in my room with me, shortly after she died, and when I looked to
the corner where I felt she was standing, I couldn’t see anything. I just believe
that heaven is not a place high above, it’s when the soul can go home and
continue living in the hearts of the people she loved. My Granny’s Dad came
back, they all felt it, and my Granny is still with me. As long as I keep her
in my heart she will never die completely. I guess she knew that, before she
died. She knew the time would come, she knew her time is limited. Back then I thought
she must be acting, but now I am sure that she was actually happy. Not because she died
that young, but because she lived 10 years with this cancer. She had these 10 years, she had more time than the doctors predicted. She could spend more time with her family, and that’s the most important thing.
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| Two hearts belong together forever picture by db Photography - Demi Brooke |
We all have a limited time, it’s not
always easy, there are not only easy choices to make, but it’s our journey, our
path that we are going. It’s on us, if we waste our life, or if we do what we
like, what we love, if we spend our time with the ones we love. Yes, I will keep on writing, this blog was good for me and still is. The first year is over, but
that’s just the start. And maybe one day, when I have to leave this world, my
kids, or my grandchildren can read all these things on this blog, because all
the posts will remain forever. And maybe this will help them to realize that
they are not alone, and even if someone they loved died, it doesn’t mean she's gone forever, because what really makes us happy, is to come home, to be home.
And as long as you don’t forget her, you will feel that she is still with you
and never has left you. The really important things can only be seen with your
heart.
