The sadness of being

John Paul II memorial, St. Anne's Hill

When I was in Poland two weeks ago, my friend showed me some pretty interesting places. Her Grandma lives in Silesia and my friend visits her a couple of times every year. It was my first time in Poland and the only negative thing about this trip was, that I don't speak any Polish. Luckily my friend's Grandma spoke some German and her husband some English. I enjoyed my stay there, and I met lots of nice and friendly people.

One day we went to St. Anne's Hill. its chapel is an important destination for Roman Catholic pilgrimage. I took some pictures of this amazing place and also the John Paul II memorial they built to remember his visit in the 1980s. 

Besides all these good impressions, there was one thing that keeps me thinking. My friend showed me her Grandma's neighborhood and where the kids lived she used to play with. We went to the cemetery and she showed me the grave of one of her friends. He wanted to save someone from drowning, wanted to rescue the kid in a nearby lake. The kid survived but my friend's friend died, he drowned. Her best girl friend died in a car accident. Her mother was with her in that car, she survived but will never fully recover from this and what happened to her daughter. Both friends of my friend were only about 18 years when they passed away.

St. Anne's Hill chapel

Too often I don't think about how soon life can be over. I read an article about a girl who died because she was texting while driving. It only needs one second of carelessness, not paying attention what's happening. A crash. People can be injured or even die. More and more often I hear about persons who use their phones while driving. No matter if they "just" want to call someone, write a text or whatever. They underestimate the danger, not only the one they put themselves in, but also other people. You can easily lose control.
Imagine you are driving and then, in the blink of an eye, you see lights coming closer and there is no way for you to avoid a crash. It's not your fault, but the other one's did something on his phone instead of paying attention to the street.

Car accidents happen way too often, and many of them can be prevented. Why do some guys think it's cool to text and drive? Is it necessary to take life for granted and to not think of the risks? Or maybe to think that nothing will happen because nothing happened all the times before? Misbelief.

I think a lot about life and what really matters. I also go often to my Grandpa and my Grandma's graves, just because I want to "see" them. And I think of my time with them, how much we laughed and how much fun we had. Then I think of how many years have passed since then, and that it doesn't seem to be this long. It was like they were just here, and then they were gone. Your eyes can't see them anymore but anyway I can feel that they are still here with me. And when it comes to my Grandma, I'm happy I had these 12 years with her, because the doctors said she will only live a few months more after her cancer diagnosis. She lived more than 10 years longer. So at least we had that time together.

Life is unique, it's special. And once it's gone, well you can't buy a new one or fix everything. It's not like a car or something. Life is precious. And I realized too often how soon it can be over. But it's not important how many years you lived as long as you actually lived. You can only do that when you love, when you embrace and enjoy your life. Be yourself, leave your own footsteps in the sand of life. The people who only follow someone's traces never dared to be themselves.

No money can buy what really matters in life. You're born naked, you enter this world having nothing, and you can't take anything with you when you have to go. But while living, many become greedy, they want more and more. More money, more wealth, more luxury. Sure it's better to have a bit more than a bit less, but having too much can destroy people. They start thinking more and more about making more and more $$, and forgetting about the rest. Friends and family are the ones who won't forget you, who love you for who you are. That's what money can't do. And only true love and someone who really cares for you, makes you happy and alive. Don't take that for granted!

You are not alone

I am a TV fanatic, which means that I watch plenty of TV shows like sitcoms, drama, and crime series. As a writer I'm especially interested in all these stories. Because of the less time that I currently have - mostly because of two projects I'm working on and as my exams start next week, I have a few things to learn, too - I have two days of the week which I spend watching all my shows. I love to see the characters, the way they are involved in the story and develop every time a little bit. Sometimes I even compare them to each other. When I saw the new episode of Guys with Kids in which Marny and Gary think about who would be the best couple to take care of their kids if they both die, it reminded me of the Simpsons' episode the week before. Homer doesn't put a hairdryer into a chicken to heat it up - but it could have been him - but he and Marge are trapped after they were in the middle of a hurricane and a house fell on them. Which in my mind stands for the whole world is crashing down onto them, and sometimes even the craziest things can occur, maybe even those you're not at all aware of. So when Homer and Marge are in the house but can't go out, they think about who could take care of Bart, Lisa and Maggie, if something would happen to them. You see, same main topic on both shows, and indeed a very important thought.

Life is like the water of a river - it never stands still
picture by Wolfgang Staudt

But it's not only these two shows that I compared to other shows. In fact, every episode last week was about changes.  Like Abed on Community - he is afraid when he thinks about having his last year at Greendale. He doesn't like changes and he hopes to stay in touch with his friends he met there. Also Jake on Touch is not a fan of changes, especially not when they are not meant to happen. For him and his Dad started in season 2 a new mission, they are now in L.A., having a new last name and trying to find a girl and solve the big puzzle.

Even in Seattle Grace Mery West hospital, which means on Grey's Anatomy, there are lots of changes. After the plane crash the hospital has big money problems, and even though Dr. Cahill wants to help and has found a buyer for the hospital and therefore a solution for the lack of money, the doctors don't want that change. We will see if the plane-crash victims stick together and agree with Callie's plan to rescue the hospital without any change, but by using their own money to buy it. In Shonda Rhimes' other show, Scandal, Olivia Pope has to solve the probably biggest problem in her career. Fitz finds out that he wasn't elected to be the president, and James wants to reveal that, but didn't because he loves Cyrus, who works for Fitz, and he knows that the career of his husband would find an end and James have to raise their kid on his own. So while watching the show, you, the viewer, think about that change. What would happen if that all would come out? Of course this would mean the end of the show, so the only question I had: how do they get out of this?

But not enough changes: Barney on How I Met Your Mother wants to find out everything about the man Robin was obsessed with and sang about in her song, when she was a Canadian popstar. A few seasons ago, that wouldn't have been a thing Barney would do. So he had changed, too, and figured that out in last week's episode. On The Big Bang Theory Sheldon isn't ready to move in with Amy, nor wants Penny to move in with Leonard. So they all have to deal with a change that will come soon in their future, and lets them think about it. On Pretty Little Liars Spencer drives everyone crazy, after she figured out that her boyfriend Toby is part of the A-Team, which follows her and her friends since Allisson's death. Spencer changed a lot, as she is not that person anymore who has everything under control, makes exact plans and knows what she's doing. Also the 2 Broke Girls are not safe from changes. They find out that Andy moved, and Caroline doesn't like the idea being single for the rest of her life, while Max is told having a husband and kids in the future.

picture by MMcDonough

Changes come to all of us sooner or later, and sometimes we just think about possible changes in our future. Changes can scare us, when we think about what could happen. When we have to take a decision we ask ourselves 'what if...?' But in the end it's like what Abed find out at the end of the Community episode: a few years ago he didn't know the people he is now afraid of to lose. Back then going to the community college was the change. He was afraid what might happen, but he did it anyway. He went to the college, he met these people. And he doesn't regret that. It's normal being afraid of the future, but the present, right here and right now, was the future of yesterday. We all wanna stay in our comfort zone, we wanna do the things we know with the people we know and love. But we should never be afraid of changes, because they can be good. They can bring people in your life, or let you realize the truth of someone or something. Changes are sometimes surprises, happen coincidentaly, sometimes they are not that good, but in the end it's the changes that challenge us, that let us grow, and make us the people we are. 

The past is the present's teacher to improve the future.

When something in our life is constant, then it's the change. Life is never standing still, the earth keeps revolving. So when you are afraid of the future, afraid you could be alone some day, you are not and you will never be. As one door closes, another one will open.

Acted real life

When we grow up not only our parents inspire us. Also very important is the music and some celebrities. One of my fave singers was and still is, Britney Spears. She grew up with me, and she always made the music I loved to listen to. About ten years ago I wouldn’t have bought the music she makes these days and today I wouldn’t buy songs like Baby One More Time. You change and also your taste. As a kid I collected everything from her that I got from several magazines. I still have that folder, because it’s also a part of my past, of my teenage years.

But I also knew when I had to stop her being my idol. She went through a tough time, and nobody was sure if she would find her way out. Luckily she did. Being successful is good but also had it’s bad sides. People are envy, try to find something negative about that person. When she’s too successful people want to know more and more about her, don’t want her to have a private life. And someone like Britney is talented, for sure, and in my mind she totally deserves the success she has because she really worked hard to get this far, but it’s not just the own ability, and the will to do that, it’s also because of the persons who believed in her and helped her to gain that success.

But for her it meant like she had to work perfectly all the time. To entertain people permanently. I guess that was a bit too much for. She lost her childhood because she only worked all the time and never really had friends. Other people decided what she had to do and whom to believe. She never learned to work on her own. That was a big mistake and when she was old enough and wanted to take her own decisions, she took them wrong because everyone had always thought for her.

She was also told that she had to entertain all the time. And when she became more popular she was followed more by paparazzi, and maybe she also started to entertain them. We are all a bit different when we know someone is looking what we do and we see cameras all the time. So maybe she wanted to protect herself or she just did that for entertaining. But the sad part is, that when you are followed by cameras and people all the time, and you want to protect yourself, started acting, you might can get lost in it. That’s when you stop knowing who you really are. You just do things without knowing what you do, important is only that fact that you stay in focus and people are still interested in you and your life.

Kids need time to play, time to have friends, and time to be a child.

Maybe she wanted to show everyone what they did to her. That they took her childhood, something that she will never get back. Same like Michael Jackson. I guess as he had no memory of his childhood, or at least something that felt like one, he still felt like a child and never wanted to get old. I guess that’s why he had the Neverland ranch and why he loved to spend time with kids. Unfortunately it didn’t end that well with him. But Britney found her way back into life. She needed help and got it. She can now handle her life, lives and enjoys her present, the time with her kids and her boyfriend.

I guess what she went through had to come like that sooner or later. And it’s fact that kids want their parents to be happy, and when they see their eyes sparkling when they go on stage singing, then the kids will do it. They don’t think about it, for them only their parents are important, and that they are happy and proud of their kids. Britney has changed a lot of lives and inspired lots of kids, and still does. She is the proof that a lost childhood can’t be replaced. That kids have to learn to take their own decisions to be prepared for their life when they’re grown up. And that being on the focus all the time can cause big stress and trouble - for a kid more than for an adult. When they have to act to protect themselves for having at least a bit privacy, they will get lost in their own acting, and forget who they really are.

What's the No 1 on your wish list?

“Soon it’s your birthday, my dear, so tell me what are your wishes?”

You probably have heard this sentence or something like that when someone asked you for your wishes. People around us are caring, and some are asking because they want us to be happy, they don’t want to buy something we already have or don’t know what to do with. Using the new media makes this even easier because we can write wish lists, e.g. on Amazon, and send this via email to all our friends and relatives and they can choose what they wanna give us.

But are all the wishes we have price tagged? What about to keep well and fit? As well as our family and friends? Do we take healthy for granted or can we wish for something that remains the same? Can we only wish for something we don’t have?

You probably think now, when someone asks you for your wishes he or she wants to buy something so you send her or him your wish list or tell them. They might look confused if you say “I wanna be forever healthy”, or anything like that. But it is a wish and they asked for one. In our life everything is about money and the value of something. But the things that are really necessary in our life, can’t be bought with any money.

Take a minute or some more and think about your priceless wish list. What do you wish for? Only monetary things? I guess not. The biggest wish everyone has is also mine: liberty. We all want to be free, not just the Americans. If we don’t have freedom, well, that would be another blog entry.

My priceless wish list

1. liberty
2. my family and friends keep well and fit
3. I keep well and fit
4. my family and friends stay with me
5. no fight between my family members (including or excluding me)
6. trust and loyalty between me, my family and friends
7. go on enjoying my life
8. successfully helping my friends/family whenever they need me
9. being accepted and respected, not only tolerated
10. being heard
11. having the chance to live my life and make my own decisions
12. meeting and chatting with lots of different people all over the world
13. finding love instead of hate
14. discovering me and my truth about at least my life
15. making fascinating experiences

Let's go treasure hunting

I love writing a lot, otherwise I wouldn’t write almost daily. I write in my blog, I also write on my first book, I write on a play as well. I have so many thoughts in my head to write about. I have my smartphone always with me that I can write a memo with my thoughts, so I won’t forget anything.

I get inspired by life. So many things are happening, I meet different people, see different stuff on TV and read news on the Internet and so on. Life is like treasure hunting. You get so many information and you have to figure out how to handle them. What is worth writing about it, and how do you find the right words to tell about?

Writing is not always easy. Sometimes you sit in front of the Computer and just type and type and type and the words come out so easily. But sometimes you know exactly what you wanna write about but you are looking for the right words. First you seek after interesting stuff - you don’t have to search it, it just comes to you, you just have to see that it is something interesting - and then you think about how to write a worthy article about it or a blog entry like I do.

Finding the right words is never easy. You maybe know that in some situation when you have to explain something that was not so good or you’re not proud of, it's not that easy to write about it. I deal with it many times, but I take that challenge and it makes fun. It’s new, every single day is different, as every article, every blog entry. As every single person on earth has her or his own story to tell, I try to tell stories, about people and the things in my life, in our life. There’s a lot to explore, let’s dig for words, dig for all interesting. Let’s go treasure hunting.