Monday, February 24, 2014

Good way to relax

the hotel pool in Hurghada/Egypt
I love to travel and see new places, meet new people. Two weeks ago, I spent a week in Egypt with a friend. It was the 6th time for her to go there but the first one for me and because of what I heard in the news of that country and read about it, I wasn't really sure if I wanna go there. But I'm glad she convinced me. It was an amazing week. It was warm, the sky was mostly cloudless, the Red Sea was crystal clear and perfect to swim and dive and see the impressive underwater world. Sometimes I thought I was at Sea Life. It was as clear as the water in the swimming pool, which was pretty amazing. In fact, there is nothing I could complain about. We were not near Kairo, where I'd probably not go to now, and so it was a quiet stay and a perfect vacation to just relax. We did not even watch any TV, listen to radio or used the internet much - the connection is very bad and it's very expensive too, but one complete week without internet at all was just not possible for me, so I was one hour online, only on Twitter and Google+. It was a bit strange and now I'm happy to have everything back and know again what's happening in the world, but for one week it was perfect to just switch off everything completely, don't worry about anything but only live for the day and focus and embrace the present. I think this was needed that I don't care about college or work or anything, and at least during the vacation this is the best my friend and I could do!!

So this week I was not only relaxing, having fun and reading an awesome book - Last to die by Tess Gerritsen is the best thriller I've read in years! I'm not a big Rizzoli and Isles fan, I watch the show only sometimes, I mean I like it but I watch so many other shows and often I forget when it's on, but that book is just great. I couldn't stop reading, so if you love thriller - you have to read Last to die!!!

If you wanna know what this book is about, watch the video below.

This one week in Hurghada/Egypt I was thinking a lot. Like places I'd love to go to. And because of a good friend who loves Doctor Who and we were talking about it lately, I asked myself: where would I go to if I had a TARDIS? Somewhere in the future? Meet someone in the past? Go to another planet? Or just meet my friends all over the world who I "met" on the internet? Well, maybe that would be one thing I'd love to do, for sure :).

Doctor Who's Time and Relative Dimension iSpace
pic by Louise .
But what I also love to is going back to see my grandma and talk to her again. She died in the year 2000, and I do have a video, so I can watch her, hear her voice and see her laughing, though she was already very sick then, but I'd love to talk to her. Just one more time. I also love to meet her husband who died one year before I was born. I think I'm not much interested in the future. It's like you read a taping report of a new episode of your fave show - when you watch it then and know exactly what happens, this takes all the fun from it. So if I knew what happens in my life, I think I will be less excited for it, coz not knowing what will happen is what encourages me to try something new. So instead of the future I'd love to go back and meet my ancestors, knowing where I come from, talking to these people and get to know more about their lives would be really interesting. So it's like my own episode of "Who do you think you are?".

Where would you go to if you had a TARDIS?

Sunday, February 9, 2014

The road of life

Last week I had this dream of me being in a house. Everything was broken, like after a big earthquake. There were a few people standing there, one familiar face was looking at me, smiling, nodding. I looked at him, smiled, turned around and started to run. I don’t know what it was that I ran away from. I knew that I was walking on train tracks. I let them guide me and I felt that I was safe if only I kept walking. 
Sometimes I turned and looked back. I was followed. No idea who was it, but I had to run faster. I didn’t want them to catch me. I heard voices saying: „the tracks will end soon, and then she won’t know where to go.“ And they did end. But I was still running. Running in that direction I felt was the right one. I had no clue if it really was, but I kept running. And it felt good. The ones who followed me seemed confused and stopped. I was relieved and woke up.

pic by Coniaric
At first I thought, what kinda crap did I dream? I dream often. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s just weird. But these dreams don’t let me stop thinking about them. I mean there is a reason that I dreamed them. Normally a person only dreams about her day, and mostly forgets what she dreamed after she woke up. But maybe I dreamed about my life, not only a single day, but the current situation I am in.

The longer I thought about it, the more came the story of the book „The Road“ by Cormac McCarthy, which I read last year, into my mind. The most touching father/son story I ever read. They walked on the road, knowing that if they won’t leave it, they will be safe. The world around them was burned, cold, seemed like being lifeless. They couldn’t trust anyone. There could be people hiding somewhere, watching them and maybe who wanted to harm them. So they had to be careful. They had to look for food. People had to leave their houses because of something bad that happened and made the world like this. The father tried to find food, clothes and stuff for his son, to protect him, to keep him warm and alive. That was his priority. Everything they had was each other. They loved, cared about each other. And each other was all they needed. 

me reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy
Maybe I am walking on this road, too. Or maybe, like in my dream, I follow some train tracks and believe it’s alright as long as I won’t leave them. Coz if I leave, who will know what’s gonna happen? I wanna survive, I wanna be safe. But sometimes I might have to risk something. I reached a point where I have to leave this safe road. When it ends. Then I have to start finding my own way. But I have to keep walking, don’t go back. I can turn around now and then, but one day I will be on my own path. There might be something or someone that tries to bring me back or hold me back. It needs one person to encourage someone to start her own way. It maybe leads me to wrong places, maybe I choose a wrong direction. But maybe this is needed to show me the right way. There is this saying "to be on the right track". So I believe kids do have to follow, they have to have their parents who are these tracks and guide them. But when they are adults, one day they will come to that crossing where they have to be their own train. That's where I am, or feel to be. I have to start creating my own tracks. They will lead me to my goal, maybe not the straight way, but it’s my way, and the way I'm going it to reach my goals in life, is the right one.

I do love the book, I love the story. What really matters is true love. No matter what kind of love. In this book it’s about a father and his son who are each other’s entire world. They have nothing else, they don’t know what the next day will bring. Will they find food, a place to sleep? But they know as long as they have each other, everything is fine. And they follow the road, and the son follows his father, till the end.

„Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it.“ 
- my favorite line from "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy 

Saturday, February 1, 2014

The only thing you cannot run away from

Had you ever had the wish to just run away from something? Maybe because it's too much, maybe because you felt that you can't handle a situation? I had this wish - not only once in my life. I felt weak, thought I would probably blame myself and people might think I'm stupid or something.

When I was a kid I could not speak in front of the class. I was just too nervous, because everyone was looking at me. So I faked being sick, not feeling well. I thought before I say something weird, or sweating or opening my mouth without a single word to find its way out, I just run away. Well, not literally of course. It felt like this was the best thing to do. Now I know that running away is the easiest but never the best way.

Big Ben in London/UK
pic by Bob Jagendorf
Studying Media Management let me become even more awake of how important beauty and youth are these days. A celebrity without makeup is simply impossible, and it's not enough; they also need Photoshop to look even younger and fresher, better and more perfect. People wanna become old but no one wants to look old. So, do they really think they can run away from time? 

Time is everywhere. It surrounds us all. No matter how fast you try to run, it's impossible to be faster. Once it's gone, there is no chance to get it back. You all know this new word "YOLO", don't you? (for those who don't, it means "you only live once".)
Only the memories will still be forever in your mind. And that is a good thing, isn't it? You can't just delete something that happened. What is done will stay in the past, except for some reminders like pictures or videos. Or wrinkles. All these wrinkles tell your stories. When the same muscles on your face are active over and over again, they are proofs that you have laughed, that you have joy and happiness in your life. Do you want Hollywood to take that away from you? It's the place for actors, they play roles, and Hollywood wanna modify them. But you are not part of that big show. You are you, and you are wonderful and beautiful the way you are. And you don't really wanna look like a kid for the rest of you life, do you?

If time isn't there, nothing would ever happen. It would all stay the same. You won't meet new people, no kids would be born, you would always stay the same age. Okay, maybe when you are at a certain age you wanna stay like that, but how would your life be like, if it was endless and the same all the time? Would you appreciate the gift that you got? This unique and special gift? You only have one life, take the time that you have and enjoy it. Your life is worth living it!

You can't see it, you can't touch it,
but you know it's there: time
pic by Divi-ded
Sometimes it feels like time is just rushing by and sometimes it seems to be in slow motion. I remember when I was kid, I thought I will never be an adult. Days seemed to be endless. I went to school, I did my homework, I met my friends. I lived for every single day. Now I am planning. I have a schedule, things that have to be done. Time can be scary. It can be good too, like when you count down the days to meet a friend you haven't seen in a while. Studies proved that waiting for something positive to happen, can make you feel happier. When I have to speak in front of people these days, I don't try to run away from it, but instead of I face my fear. Although I can't wait for it to be over. It will never be one of my favorite things to do, but time gives me the chance to grow. To try things and to overcome my fears. 

Time can trap you in some ways. When you wait for the doctor or sitting at the bus station. Time seems endless, when you focus on it. When you look at your watch or your phone all the time. But when you don't think of time, it feels like it doesn't exist. You just live and enjoy your time. 

Time can be scary. But don't try to run away from it. Take time and enjoy your life. Don't try to think too much about it, don't try to hide it. Time feels to be different, depending on what you're doing, but it's constant. The seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, the years. They will come and go. But the moments will remain in your minds, in your hearts. Time gives you good and bad moments, but it lets you overcome the bad ones sooner or later, and cherish all the good things happening to you.

It's time to enjoy and appreciate your time, your life. You can only look back at the past, but maybe the future holds something even better for you. Only time can tell....

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