The road of life

Last week I had this dream of me being in a house. Everything was broken, like after a big earthquake. There were a few people standing there, one familiar face was looking at me, smiling, nodding. I looked at him, smiled, turned around and started to run. I don’t know what it was that I ran away from. I knew that I was walking on train tracks. I let them guide me and I felt that I was safe if only I kept walking. 

Sometimes I turned and looked back. I was followed. No idea who was it, but I had to run faster. I didn’t want them to catch me. I heard voices saying: „the tracks will end soon, and then she won’t know where to go.“ And they did end. But I was still running. Running in that direction I felt was the right one. I had no clue if it really was, but I kept running. And it felt good. The ones who followed me seemed confused and stopped. I was relieved and woke up.

pic by Coniaric

At first I thought, what kinda crap did I dream? I dream often. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s just weird. But these dreams don’t let me stop thinking about them. I mean there is a reason that I dreamed them. Normally a person only dreams about her day, and mostly forgets what she dreamed after she woke up. But maybe I dreamed about my life, not only a single day, but the current situation I am in.

The longer I thought about it, the more came the story of the book „The Road“ by Cormac McCarthy, which I read last year, into my mind. The most touching father/son story I ever read. They walked on the road, knowing that if they won’t leave it, they will be safe. The world around them was burned, cold, seemed like being lifeless. They couldn’t trust anyone. There could be people hiding somewhere, watching them and maybe who wanted to harm them. So they had to be careful. They had to look for food. People had to leave their houses because of something bad that happened and made the world like this. The father tried to find food, clothes and stuff for his son, to protect him, to keep him warm and alive. That was his priority. Everything they had was each other. They loved, cared about each other. And each other was all they needed. 

me reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy

Maybe I am walking on this road, too. Or maybe, like in my dream, I follow some train tracks and believe it’s alright as long as I won’t leave them. Coz if I leave, who will know what’s gonna happen? I wanna survive, I wanna be safe. But sometimes I might have to risk something. I reached a point where I have to leave this safe road. When it ends. Then I have to start finding my own way. But I have to keep walking, don’t go back. I can turn around now and then, but one day I will be on my own path. There might be something or someone that tries to bring me back or hold me back. It needs one person to encourage someone to start her own way. It maybe leads me to wrong places, maybe I choose a wrong direction. But maybe this is needed to show me the right way. There is this saying "to be on the right track". So I believe kids do have to follow, they have to have their parents who are these tracks and guide them. But when they are adults, one day they will come to that crossing where they have to be their own train. That's where I am, or feel to be. I have to start creating my own tracks. They will lead me to my goal, maybe not the straight way, but it’s my way, and the way I'm going it to reach my goals in life, is the right one.

I do love the book, I love the story. What really matters is true love. No matter what kind of love. In this book it’s about a father and his son who are each other’s entire world. They have nothing else, they don’t know what the next day will bring. Will they find food, a place to sleep? But they know as long as they have each other, everything is fine. And they follow the road, and the son follows his father, till the end.

„Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it.“ 

- my favorite line from "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy 

 

Caught in my body

We need it every day, to live, to survive, and to stay independent - our body. We need our legs and feet to walk, our hands to do something, to grab something. But what would you do if you lose the control of your body? When others do these things for you? They feed you, they take you out of bed, they move you from one point to the other? This can happen when you get older, and weaker. When your body doesn’t want anymore what you want. But it can happen to all of us at every moment of our lives.

You maybe remember that once I wrote about Samuel Koch who had an accident on a German TV show and since then he’s paraplegic. He wanted to jump over moving cars with special jumping stilts. He did this for several years, he loved that and never had anything happened. But in the show he fell, and even surgery couldn’t cure him. He is now working on his acting career, praying a lot and keeps asking why this had to happen to him. The accident happened in December 2010. He is now 25 years old. But he doesn’t stop fighting, life goes on.

So this can happen to all of us, at any time. An accident, a disease, and then from one moment to the other we need someone to take care of us. Some people are unable to move from the start of their life. Their families have to take care of them. Be there 24/7. What kind of life is this? I heard about a man named Mark O’Brien, a poet, paralyzed from the neck down due to polio. Last year there was movie called “The Sessions” made about him and his life. How must it be like, when you are unable to do anything on your own? When you are just lying in your bed? At least he can talk to people, but he can’t touch them. The touch is the most important sense we have, we can’t survive without love and without touching and being touched.

It starts when you are a baby. You love it when your parents hold you in your arms. This is the only way to let you fall asleep. You need the touch when your Mom changes your diapers, or feed you. Through all your life, touches are the main things you need. It shows that there is someone who loves you and takes care of you. In these days we live right now, people don’t wanna show love that much, don’t wanna share it that much anymore. We touch others less than a few years ago, but this doesn’t mean that we don’t need it. And especially not that we don’t want it, does it?

But imagine you just can’t touch the person you love? As much as you want to, you simply can’t? Or you can’t do anything when you don’t like to be touched by someone? How would you feel? When I read about the movie, I have to admit I haven’t seen it yet, these questions popped up in my mind. It must be like you’re trapped in your own body. When you can’t control it, can’t tell it what you want to do. It must be very hard and I guess we should think about this more often. Think about how lucky we are, that we can use our body the way we want to, that we have the chance to touch the people we love, and that we are not completely and utterly at somebody’s mercy.

Watch here the official trailer of “The Sessions”

Are you already dancing?

Do you know when you wanna watch something, but no matter to which channel you switch, you see the same? So do I feel these days. Everywhere is dancing, everyone is dancing. It all started on Ellen, where I saw Britney trying to dance the Oppa Gangnam Style. That was the first time I heard about that dance. I'm not a good dancer but I think this a dance that everyone can dance. So, could this be the reason why this Korean guy named Psy has so much success with this? The video has reached more than 63 million viewers which is absolutely amazing and astonishing.

About a month ago, when I firstly saw that video, I really asked myself what people can like about this dance. Could it really be because it seems to be so easy and everyone could dance it, so it just cheers up everyone? I mean mostly the simplest things can create the biggest fun, right? So Psy was at the VMA's, even on Saturday Night Live. Unbelievable that it was supposed to be for Korea only. Even to him this whole thing seems to be unreal, and he never thought of having such an huge success with the dance, he said at the VMA's this year.

Noble at daytime and crazy at night - that's Gangnam Style. 

Psy at the VMA's 2012

Yes, youtube makes a lot of things possible. It is easier for people that they get noticed, when they simply make a video, upload it on youtube and share it on Twitter and Facebook. Okay there is also much really bad stuff on there, so sorting out good stuff can be hard. But it's not only Psy who showed that there are talented people on youtube. And it can work very well. There are a lot of people who started on the video platform, too, like Justin Bieber. The internet can be great for young artists, and maybe some people can see the talent and then start working with these people so that even more guys out there can see or hear them.

Youtube is not only a platform for dancers or singers, also actors or comedians can have a chance there. I know a few from Germany who are actually good and funny. They do it in their free time and not for earning money, it's more about the fun. The internet is not only a way where you can read or find information, everyone has the possibility to be a part of it. You can share content you like, discuss about your favorite shows, or show something about your life to your friends, like pictures. You do not only sit with your family in front of the TV anymore and talk about what you see, you also go online and chat with friends about it worldwide.

There is even a new shopping possibility that I found recently. You can go shopping online, and while doing that use the chat of the shop and discuss with your friends wherever they are, about what you want to buy. Okay there are also a few shops already on Facebook, so I guess it's also possible there, but will this change our actual real life? Do we really need that or isn't it better to really go shopping and chat with your friends? Will the internet one day be our first way of communication?

The internet is a good thing, obviously. Everyone can be a part of it. It's like that dance. Everyone can do it. It seems to be simple and maybe it is simple. Maybe just too simple for anyone else, and that's why no one had the idea before. It's maybe to do something that already exists, but mix it with something extraordinary, so that it is special, unique. And you should have fun doing it, then others will have fun, too. Then you can dance everywhere, and motivate everyone to join you.

At the end of the post I'd like to share with you a video of a German magician that I found on youtube. He proves that you can do something extraoridinary with something that you already know. I guess you have never seen a greater presentation of the iPad - and even Steve Jobbs would have liked it.

What are your favorite videos on youtube? Do you think that tomorrow's stars can be found on the internet or do you think these guys can't be successful over a longer period of time? And: are you already dancing?

The android next door

'I feel that I feel, but compared to how deeply humans feel, it seems very superficial to me and that makes me sad sometimes.'

Bina48

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2175721/Rise-Machines-Meet-Bina48-robot-tell-jokes-recite-poetry-mimics-mankind-startling-ease.html#ixzz271JbgZOh

Yesterday I saw a TV contribution about Bina48. Have you already heard of her? She is an android, but decides on her own what she says and she looks and acts mostly like a real human being. Bina is a copy of a real existing woman, you can talk to her by speaking into a microphone, and you get a response that fits to your question. She just 'thinks' and choose what to say. She choose the words real humans put into her head, but she finds what's suitable and then she talks and talks and talks and doesn't like to stop. Real woman like, isn't it?

Bruce Duncan works with her for two years now, and 'she' still surprises him. He is sure that one day everyone can have such a human looking robot, which is therefore called humanoid. Currently she costs about $ 125,000. A lot of money, and it's really a great thing that robots become more and more human. But in the other hand, wouldn't it be strange when you, one day, maybe in about 50 years, can't be sure if it's an robot you are talking to, or an actual person?

Imagine you live next door with an android. You greet it, you see it as a 'normal' person. Maybe one day everyone has a robot to do everything for them - but what will be left for us? Do we sit in a chair and get served all the time? Of course this sounds great, and for sure the humanoid robots are a brilliant invention and shows that the technical knowledge developed very well in the past few years, but it wouldn't it be boring for us one day if the robots will do all our jobs? Or will we then have other things to do? Will we start building more robots, than bringing actual babies to life?

I don't wanna complain, as I said I love the robot, and I also love the amazing work of these brilliant minds like Mr Duncan's, but I'm just thinking. I mean, it can be scared in some way, right? And imagine someone can create an android who looks exactly like you. It's great that if your family lives far away and then you can have a copy from your parents all the time with you and the best thing is they can't die, but wouldn't it be also strange to know that another you is out there somewhere? And that some guys who love all that one actor or singer, all want to have such a robot and then the film industry don't know anymore who of them is the real actor?

The Daily Mail (UK) wrote this great article about Bina48. You can read it here.

Or watch that video, of 'that guy with the robot', Bruce Duncan, who presented Bina48 to the TEDxHarlem audience. It's really impressive:

On which cloud are you?

Some years ago all people would have answered: on cloud nine. And if not, they at least wished to be there or go there again.

Well, I don’t have to mention that things have changed in the past years. There are so many clouds everywhere we go and look. And no, I don’t mean the clouds we see when we look at the sky, I mean cloud computing. The computer has clouds, the computer is the new heaven. We can save everything there, it is a cache on the Internet, so you can save all your data, music, letters or whatever, and reach the stuff with any device. Because it is all on the Internet and not on your home computer.

like the heaven is the internet full of clouds. everyone can reach the data from everywhere.

I have to say I use Google Docs for writing and saving my blog entries on the Internet until I publish them on my blog. But is this really safe? Sometimes I think about that. I mean, it is nothing important, just my thoughts about various things, and I would never save any real important information there like my bank account data. This is a good service, because nowadays we don’t just have one computer, we have lots of devices with which we can use the Internet, e.g. our smartphone.

Everywhere we go, we take our data with us, we show more and more of ourselves on the Internet, with the entire world. What a revolution. But we also should take good care of what’s really important, things we don’t wanna anyone else to see. Some publish too many pictures and stuff like that e.g. on Facebook, and don’t think about the consequences. I mean also all social media network sites like Facebook or Twitter, are clouds as well. Because you can upload pictures and save it on the Internet, so that everyone can see it. But keep in mind, the Internet is not a person. A person can forget, the Internet not. Once on the Internet, for ever and ever on the Internet.

Where home is

I have spent some time abroad, on Grand Canary, and I really enjoyed it. That's also the reason why I didn't blog that much within the last few weeks. For me it was the first time I spent on the island. The view from my room was amazing and I wished I could have taken it with me, but unfortunately it didn't fit into my suitcase :(
On the first day someone from the travel agency told us a bit about the Spanish island. I was mostly astonished about the fact that it hasn't rained since May last year. Where I live it's normal that it rains almost every week (not now, because I have at least taken the heat with me).

the view from my hotel room - could be worse, right? -kidding ;)

Every day was warm, and even it was sometimes a bit cloudy, it never rained and though it was windy at the beach, it had never been cold. The temperature was constantly about 85 degrees - so I was totally happy because I love it when it's warm and sunny like that. My family and I rented a car and explored the isle. We saw some harbors, cities, and lots of mountains. It was really impressive, and we also met lots of friendly people. I am not that person who finds it easily to just go to someone I've never met before and have a chat, but the few I spoke with, were very kind. Of course we spent a day at the beach, too. Not that many because I am very pale, and when there was one thing I didn't want to bring home was a sunburn. Luckily I didn't ;).

no it's not Egypt - it's Grand Canary - just a big sand box ;)

But for some reason, as much as I always look forward spending some time abroad, to sit on a plane (though I don't understand why so many people applaud after landing - I mean no one claps his/her hands after I've done my work well), and fly far away from home, I am also always happy when I am back home again. Mostly I'm already happy when we drive through the city I was born. But this time, it was the first that I felt nothing. When we sat on the bus back to the airport, it just felt for me like we're making another trip. And now, that I am home again, I felt like I haven't been abroad - though I have all the memories about what we did, what we saw.

like taken from a movie - the mountains of Grand Canary

Do you know what I mean? Maybe it was because it was only a week, maybe because it was the first time after 4 years that I saw a beach and palm trees again. Maybe I felt that it wasn't time to go back home. Can this be possible? Or that I feel that the place I was born is no longer my home? Can this change? I still live with my parents, and I wanna have my own place, but as I don't earn any money right now - but start to look for some writing jobs to get at least a bit money - I simply can't move. When I have finished my basic studies I hope I can do my internship semester somewhere within the US. I hope that I can convince my friend to go next year with me to Los Angeles, visting my relatives and finding out if I really can imagine living there.

Do you still feel at home where you was born or has this changed? Can the definition of home change? Is home always where you come from, or where you feel currently happy?
I guess it's the place where you love to be, spending most of your time, where you have your friends. I think as we all change, our safe place can change, too. I will never forget where I come from, and it could be that I will miss it once when I spent too much time far away. Of course I have my family here, and that will be hard when I can't see them daily anymore, but I guess I have reached a point in my life when I wanna start and live my own life.

Everything in a trash bag

And when she left the world, the only one standing beside her grave was her unfulfilled dream.

We want to do so many things in our life, but sometimes we don’t feel ready for it now. We think and think about it, we know deep inside that we really want that, we just can’t do it now. We don’t dare. We might think about all the consequences. That it could be a mistake. We don’t trust ourselves and therefore we never try.

I was not only once in the situation that I said to myself I wanna do this and that. And when I don’t wanna do it now, I just said: I’ll do it later. But when is later? Some minutes, some hours, or maybe weeks, even years? Who knows if this ‘later’ will always come?

Someone once told be about all this optimistic guys. She likes that, but she also told me that so much stuff happens every day, she sees it when she reads the newspaper or switches on the TV. “They say they clean the house later, they write the letter to their friends later, they visit someone they haven’t seen for a long time later or call him later. They have so many plans for later, but no plans for now. How can they be sure that this later will come? That they have later so much time for all these things?”

I had honestly no words. I mean are we really such optimistics? We talk about the cruelty in this world, we are good in complaining, seeing all the negative aspects, but anyway: we live for the future. Why don’t we do things now? Why later? Is later always better?

When this later will come, and you say later again, there will come a time when later won’t be possible anymore. This one woman also told me about her visit in a retirement home. People who passed away were just packed in a trash bag, lying on the floor in the basement. People of whom no relatives were found. She doesn’t want to end like that. She doesn’t want to be alone and her whole life is wrapped in a black bag. She likes being optimistic, but she is realistic, and therefore she cleans now, she writes now, she visits her friends now, she calls them now.

“We live now, that’s what we know for sure, we hope to live later, too, but who can certainly know that?”