The only thing you cannot run away from

Had you ever had the wish to just run away from something? Maybe because it's too much, maybe because you felt that you can't handle a situation? I had this wish - not only once in my life. I felt weak, thought I would probably blame myself and people might think I'm stupid or something.

When I was a kid I could not speak in front of the class. I was just too nervous, because everyone was looking at me. So I faked being sick, not feeling well. I thought before I say something weird, or sweating or opening my mouth without a single word to find its way out, I just run away. Well, not literally of course. It felt like this was the best thing to do. Now I know that running away is the easiest but never the best way.

Big Ben in London/UK
pic by Bob Jagendorf

Studying Media Management let me become even more awake of how important beauty and youth are these days. A celebrity without makeup is simply impossible, and it's not enough; they also need Photoshop to look even younger and fresher, better and more perfect. People wanna become old but no one wants to look old. So, do they really think they can run away from time? 

Time is everywhere. It surrounds us all. No matter how fast you try to run, it's impossible to be faster. Once it's gone, there is no chance to get it back. You all know this new word "YOLO", don't you? (for those who don't, it means "you only live once".)

Only the memories will still be forever in your mind. And that is a good thing, isn't it? You can't just delete something that happened. What is done will stay in the past, except for some reminders like pictures or videos. Or wrinkles. All these wrinkles tell your stories. When the same muscles on your face are active over and over again, they are proofs that you have laughed, that you have joy and happiness in your life. Do you want Hollywood to take that away from you? It's the place for actors, they play roles, and Hollywood wanna modify them. But you are not part of that big show. You are you, and you are wonderful and beautiful the way you are. And you don't really wanna look like a kid for the rest of you life, do you?

If time isn't there, nothing would ever happen. It would all stay the same. You won't meet new people, no kids would be born, you would always stay the same age. Okay, maybe when you are at a certain age you wanna stay like that, but how would your life be like, if it was endless and the same all the time? Would you appreciate the gift that you got? This unique and special gift? You only have one life, take the time that you have and enjoy it. Your life is worth living it!

You can't see it, you can't touch it,
but you know it's there: time
pic by Divi-ded

Sometimes it feels like time is just rushing by and sometimes it seems to be in slow motion. I remember when I was kid, I thought I will never be an adult. Days seemed to be endless. I went to school, I did my homework, I met my friends. I lived for every single day. Now I am planning. I have a schedule, things that have to be done. Time can be scary. It can be good too, like when you count down the days to meet a friend you haven't seen in a while. Studies proved that waiting for something positive to happen, can make you feel happier. When I have to speak in front of people these days, I don't try to run away from it, but instead of I face my fear. Although I can't wait for it to be over. It will never be one of my favorite things to do, but time gives me the chance to grow. To try things and to overcome my fears. 

Time can trap you in some ways. When you wait for the doctor or sitting at the bus station. Time seems endless, when you focus on it. When you look at your watch or your phone all the time. But when you don't think of time, it feels like it doesn't exist. You just live and enjoy your time. 

Time can be scary. But don't try to run away from it. Take time and enjoy your life. Don't try to think too much about it, don't try to hide it. Time feels to be different, depending on what you're doing, but it's constant. The seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, the years. They will come and go. But the moments will remain in your minds, in your hearts. Time gives you good and bad moments, but it lets you overcome the bad ones sooner or later, and cherish all the good things happening to you.

It's time to enjoy and appreciate your time, your life. You can only look back at the past, but maybe the future holds something even better for you. Only time can tell....

The most precious

What is the most precious that you have? An elder woman once asked me this, and I was thinking about it. She said to me: Some people think they are rich when they have lots of money. Nowadays it's all about the money. People think they are only someone when they have enough of it, but no one ever has enough.

I guess she thought that I say the most precious in my life is something that I bought. And when I asked some of my friends the same question a few days later, most of them said something monetary. Some said their beds, their houses, their cars. And some guys never thought of that before.

When I answered the woman I said: my family. I told her that I'm happy to have them, my parents, my brother, my aunts, my uncles, and cousins, my Grandma. I'm also happy to have such amazing friends in my life.

She looked at me and smiled. I know that everything what really matters can't be bought, can't be replaced. When my computer or car is broken, I can find someone who might fix the problem or I buy a new one. When you lose someone you love, no one can give you this person back. When I grew up, three of my family members passed away and I asked my Mom why my friends can go to weddings and baptizings and I have to go to funerals. Of course she had no answer, but it let me realize that life doesn't last forever.

I looked at this woman who said to me: When you are in my age, you will know what is the most precious. Some have more, and some have less, but it's about the intensity, not the length. You can't buy it, you get in once, you have to spend it wisely, because when it's gone you'll never get it back. Money is important in our lives, and when you have some, you're lucky and can be happy about it. You can buy clothes, food, a house, but you can't buy time. You need time to spend with the ones you love, your family and friends. There is no better way to show someone you love them, than spending time with this person.

Way to happiness

What happened? What am I doing here? I open my eyes, but it's like they are still closed. I can't see anything. Am I blind? Is it dark? I start thinking. What is the last thing I remember? How do I come here? Where am I? I can only feel the floor, it feels like stones, ice cold. I try to get up, try to get on my feet. I have to get out of here. I touch the wall and I start to walk. I want to leave the darkness, I want to see. I want to hear something, I want to feel something that is not cold. I walk, and I think of my goal.

I walk and walk and walk. I am exhausted, I can barely breathe. Where am I? How do I get out of here? I finally wanna see again. I wanna hear something. I wanna feel something that is not lifeless and cold. Having that wish is what keeps me walking. I won't give up. It's my dream. A simple one. I don't wish for a pot of gold or the crap most people are looking for these days. Who cares about fame? Someone can be successful today, and a beggar tomorrow. Money means nothing. It might be not as cold as these stones on here, but as lifeless. Not many guys understand what's really important. I am looking for that. I look for happiness.

I have a dream. Yes, I dare to still have a dream. Mostly live their lives the way they were taught to. But who wants to live a life of someone else? When I'll be a Grandma one day, I will tell my kids about my life, what I have done, and not what others told me to do. No, I don't know where I am, I only know where I want to be. Out of the dark. I wanna see the light. My life has to have a sense. Where is it? Where can I find it? I keep walking. I don't know if it's the right direction, but it feels right in that moment. A voice within is telling me keep going.

The Eiffel Tower in Paris is for many people a symbol of love
picture by D. Sharon Pruitt

And then, suddenly it happens. What is this? It's beautiful. I feel like an insect flying to something sparkling. The first thing I can see. I am not blind. It gets brighter and I feel something. A tingling in my stomach. I get excited. The closer I go, the brighter and warmer it becomes. I do not only see again, I also feel again. I know the goal is near, I am almost there. The long walk, the cold, the darkness, it's all over. I don't know what's gonna happen, I can't describe what I see but it's the most beautiful I've ever seen.

I see colors, all the colors of the rainbow. It is warm, I can feel it on my skin. The dark and grey fade away. I can hear birds singing, I can hear the trees rustinling in the wind. I can see the blue sky, I feel the sun rays embracing my whole body. I reached my goal. Some might have stopped, lost their faith on their ways, but I had a dream. And now I found what I was looking for. The place where I am safe. I found you.

I look at you, and you look at me. Smiling happily. You just stand there, don't say a word. But you don't need to. Words are a bad way to use for communication, it often leads to misunderstandings. You are like my mirror, when I look at you I see me, only clearer and brighter and happier. You are the other half of me, you let me see, hear, and most important feel. I feel free, I feel safe, I feel me. I finally arrived. I am at home in this beautiful place, your heart.


It was Justin Timberlake's song "Mirrors" that inspired me writing this short story. It's a beautiful song about finding love, the one and only we are all looking for. The one person that understands you without words, that shows you the beauty of life that you was unable to see before. Love is what keeps us alive, and statistics say people who live in a happy relationship live longer and get less sick. I guess when I keep walking I'm gonna find this beautiful place, home, one day. I do believe in true love and the power that it has and gives you. 

Do you believe in true love? Have you found your true love? What is love for you? Do you think you just feel when the right person is next to you?

Heading Home

It was a long way, not always easy to get there. I felt cold, I felt warmth, I saw the sun, and I saw the moon. I met people, so many. Some of them were dancing, some were singing, some were acting, writing, painting. I met people who smiled, people who cried, people who suffered. It wasn’t always easy, but it was important. I needed it all. Because they are all part of my experience, part of me. What would I be, how would I be, if some things didn’t happen the way they did? What if I wouldn’t have met some people? Would I still be the same person I am right now?

There’s no doubt that I made the right choice, not always in my life, but most of it. There are things I regret, but the really important decisions, well, they weren’t wrong. One of them was starting to write again. I did this all my life, and when I was writing my play “Like A Fairytale” in 2006, I remember my Mom saying: “Do something useful, do the household or help gardening.” My Dad was fine with it, he just let me write, because he knew that I liked it. I still do, and he still knows, and now also my Mom does. So the decision I made, to start this blog one year ago, was good for me. I could write, not only stories, I could write about things that were just going on in my mind. And I could get in touch with new people, people who let me know their opinion, people who inspire me because they also write about interesting stuff.

What and who is in our heart?
picture by Barbara Unterberger

One year ago I wrote about my Granny, and because Easter is not far away anymore I wanna write about her again. I still miss her. She died in the year 2000, 2 days after her birthday. She was very weak on her final days, and she had to leave this world just way too soon. She was caring a lot, she had the greatest heart a person could have, she loved music, she had the melody in her heart. And she was strong. He had cancer, and the doctors gave her only a few months after the diagnosis, but she lived 10 more years. She was a fighter, and she didn’t want anyone to be sorry for her or to treat her differently. She doesn’t want her family, us, to suffer, too. She kept saying that she was okay. She was smiling, she was enjoying every single day of her life.

The day when my Dad told me, he had to go and drive to my Granny, I knew that she passed. I just nodded, tried to distract myself by watching some TV and keeping an eye on my little brother. My Mom told me later a story about her Mom, when she was a little kid and her Dad was in the Second World War, and the whole family just wanted to have him back. One day my Granny as a little girl was setting the dinner table with her brothers and sisters, as they all heard someone coming upstairs. They knew it was him, they were all so happy to see their Dad again. My Granny opened the door, but no one was there. About 2 weeks later they got a letter that he died.

I thought about this story a lot. Why did they all hear him? I think he came home, and everyone could feel him. I remembered how I had the feeling that my Granny was in my room with me, shortly after she died, and when I looked to the corner where I felt she was standing, I couldn’t see anything. I just believe that heaven is not a place high above, it’s when the soul can go home and continue living in the hearts of the people she loved. My Granny’s Dad came back, they all felt it, and my Granny is still with me. As long as I keep her in my heart she will never die completely. I guess she knew that, before she died. She knew the time would come, she knew her time is limited. Back then I thought she must be acting, but now I am sure that she was actually happy. Not because she died that young, but because she lived 10 years with this cancer. She had these 10 years, she had more time than the doctors predicted. She could spend more time with her family, and that’s the most important thing.

Two hearts belong together forever
picture by db Photography - Demi Brooke

We all have a limited time, it’s not always easy, there are not only easy choices to make, but it’s our journey, our path that we are going. It’s on us, if we waste our life, or if we do what we like, what we love, if we spend our time with the ones we love. Yes, I will keep on writing, this blog was good for me and still is. The first year is over, but that’s just the start. And maybe one day, when I have to leave this world, my kids, or my grandchildren can read all these things on this blog, because all the posts will remain forever. And maybe this will help them to realize that they are not alone, and even if someone they loved died, it doesn’t mean she's gone forever, because what really makes us happy, is to come home, to be home. And as long as you don’t forget her, you will feel that she is still with you and never has left you. The really important things can only be seen with your heart.

Happy Birthday Jim

As you might know from my Surprise,Surprise blog post I collected birthday greetings for Jim. Fans from all over the world like Peru, Mexico, Spain, Italy, France, Germany, Brazil and some more countries sent me messages, pictures or video greetings. Once again I’d like to say thank you for everyone who’s part of this. I added them all to the letter, and I also made a video with the pictures, videos and the shorter messages (the longer ones are simply too much to read for a video, so they are only in the letter). You can watch it here, or go to youtube.

Some of you maybe know that Jim wants to learn French, and that’s why I add a video of my fave French singer Emmanuel Moire to this post. I love his song “Ca me fait du bien” since I firstly heard it in 2007. Back then I listened to lots of French music, and watched some movies and it helped me a lot to learn the language better – and to go to Strasbourg and order some “tarte flambée” (you should really eat that when you are there ;-)). For those who doesn’t know much French, in “Ca me fait du bien” Moire sings that he wrote a letter to his love, he hopes that he will come back to him. Everywhere he goes, it all reminds him of his love, but he needs that to be happy, to feel good. When he hears their song, he thinks about their love, their time together. All he wants is his love to come back, because he misses him so much, and he would love to have a chance to, at least talk to him one last time. But even if he won’t come back, it would be okay for him, if that is what makes him happy. He only wants him to be happy and he can only be happy when he is happy. So the last thing he does, is writing a letter.

It’s a very beautiful song about love, I do not only love it because of its beautiful lyrics, but I also love the melody, Emmanuel Moire’s piano playing and voice. I could listen to all his songs the whole day, and I’m glad that he will release his 3^rd album this year!!

But back to another part of the surprise for Jim: Kayla and Vicky also did an eCard and collected some more birthday greetings for Jim. Just click on the picture below and read the eCard. 

Some girls from Latin America also made a video for Jim. Watch it here:

So once again: 

Happy Birthday, Jim!!!

I speak for everyone now, who’s part of this little surprise: we hope you’ll see and read this, and that you like it. Have a wonderful day with your family, may all your wishes come true, and stay this wonderful person.

BTW: Just because I mentioned it in the Surprise Surprise post: I am still working on the Funny News Show I wrote as another part of the surprise for Jim which included only things he likes (based on what he told in various interviews), but because of some problems, I wasn’t able to finish it in time. Thanks to Chriselle Almeida and Letícia Bricio for helping me so much with this so far. I will put it on youtube as soon as it is finished ;)

There can be only one

sure it's beautiful, but do we really need this to be happy?
picture by Sarah Ackerman

What are the most important things in your life? The things you can’t live without? What makes you really happy? Have you ever thought about these questions? I am sure you have. I often ask myself that, mostly when I spend the day at a shopping mall. There are the kids who say: “Mommy, I want that.” or “Daddy, can you buy me that?” Some of the parents roll their eyes, saying they already bought their kids a new toy, or they have something similar, or they don’t have much money anymore to buy it. But kids are kids, the way they look at their parents – yes, they know how to get what they want. Teenagers aren’t differently, they go shopping with their friends, but after they asked their parents for money. They want the new smartphone, or an iPod, new clothes, or whatever. And adults? Well, women never have enough shoes, these two words simply don’t fit together. Men want a jersey, sports stuff, or tools like a drill to prove that they can do everything on their own. But do they need all that stuff? Who is the kid here to tell us what we should buy, what we 'wanna' have?

For many people Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory seems to be from a parallel universe. He just likes different things, doesn’t seem to be very interested in others. Mostly it’s like he doesn’t care what others think about him. But it does make him upset, like when he taught some students physics and afterwards he read their tweets about his lecture and he didn’t read nice stuff. He is as normal as we all are, but his interests are differently. He focuses on brainwork, and to distract himself he enjoys playing video games. But he doesn’t care about shoes or how he is dressed, like in that episode in which Penny fell in the shower and broke her arm and Sheldon had to pick her something to wear. And in this year’s Valentine’s Day episode he gave his assistant Alex 1,000 $ to find Amy a present that she likes. But in the end, he gave her a paper. A single paper that told Amy she is from now on the person to call if Sheldon has an emergency. The money was wasted on things not that important. The real gift, well, can’t be bought and therefore is much more worth. And it never loses it.

We spend lots of our time in front of the TV, we watch the news, we watch our favorite shows, sitcoms, movies. And it shows us a world, a world that’s supposed to be our world. But is this reality the real reality? There are many people out there who suffer because they don’t have much to eat or drink or are very sick. But do we compare ourselves to them? No, we watch the Hollywood glamour, and wish to have such a life. A life in the spotlight, a life without any money problems. Are these the greatest worries we could have these days? Why do we need so much money? Because we see these people and we want that big house, we want these expensive gowns, and we want all these super cool gadgets. The question is: do we need them? Do we really want them or do we only want these things because others have them?

do we always need the newest fashion to be happy?
picture by Bert Kaufmann

Do we already live in our self-constructed world, in our own TV world? Does it affect us that much, that it shows us a reality that is not real and we wanna do everything to make this real and forget the real reality? And wouldn’t that make us a bit like Sheldon, who doesn’t seem to be interested in the real world, but instead thinks he can do everything on his own and prefers to live on the starship Enterprise? Sometimes we all wanna go to another place, to escape from our everyday life. The TV helps us to distract. But it gets better and better, and some can’t distinguish TV world from real world anymore. But that is its intense. Like a kid looking into their Mommy’s eyes: “I want that. Buy me that.” And what does Mommy? She buys her kid what he wants, and is happy that he is happy.

But isn’t it the sparkle in our kid’s eyes that makes us happy? It’s not about the money we spent. When I go to the mall I mostly love to spend time with my friends. When we were at school we saw each other almost every day, but things have changed. I have realized that time is the most precious thing we have, so I just enjoy the time. It doesn’t matter what I buy, or if I buy anything at all. The TV is our starship Enterprise, our escape. But like Sheldon we can’t stay there forever, we have to come back to the real world. Don’t get trapped, don’t let TV manipulate you, show you some commercials and stuff, trying to convince you, that you need this for being happy. If you really wanna be happy, spend time with the ones you love, because no money can ever bring you back the time.

Full of happiness

Our heart is like a glass filled with happiness – but we don’t recognize that, and so we overfill it. Instead of being more happy, we lose happiness the more we try to fill it.

When I remember about 10 years ago, I was a huge fan of ‘Buffy – The Vampire Slayer’. I loved to watch it, as well as ‘Charmed’ and ‘Angel’. Now the vampires are back. I don’t know what guys these days love about ‘Twilight’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’. Maybe the vampires come back every decade. But what is so fascinating about them? Mostly for the young people? Because they are mean, mysterious, thirsty for blood? Or that they are simply not human?

Well, honestly I don’t think that vampires are less human than we are. No offense, but I think we can be thirsty as a vampire. Why? Let me explain: we want more. Always. No matter what it is. We can never have enough. We want something until we have it and then we want something else. Like a baby who wants to have the toy, the more often you say he or she won’t get it, the more will the baby cry. But when you finally give him the toy, he’s happy and after some minutes he wants to have another toy.

Same is when we are older. So many women want to have a family and a successful career. That’s good, definitely, but some have the wish that everything is easy to handle and just working out perfectly. Okay girls we can multi-task, but is this good if we do it the whole time? Of course not. We can’t be the perfect wife who is always there when their kids need her, e.g. when they are sick. Can we simply cancel the meeting just for that?  We have to find out what is more important to us – being in the office, working over time, and only see the kids when they’re sleeping, or taking care of them, spending time with them and your partner but doesn’t have such a well-paid job.

I saw Lynette on the series finale of Desperate Housewives, struggling with herself. She has always been the tough business lady who wanted big success and she was good at it. But she decided to stay at home, raising her kids. After she broke up with Tom and finally the two found back together in the end, she got a big opportunity to take. She wants to work again because she missed it, but she never regretted spending time at home – maybe sometimes but not overall. She figured out that she always wanted more, after she got Tom back, she also wanted her job back. She has always been like that – when she had one, she wanted to have another thing, too.

We are all like Lynette. We are never satisfied with the things we have. So I do compare us to vampires. We are thirsty all the time. Not for blood, but for other things. We are made like this – especially the commercials and ads use this thinking. We see something and they convince us we want it. And when we have the new Apple, we wait till its next product will be released and we feel that we need to buy it. And I don’t mean an actual apple – if you know what I mean.

The mission of finding

As we all know from the physics lesson there always have to be action and reaction. Otherwise nothing works. So it must exist a second part for everyone. Guys are looking for the right person in their life, they spend lots of time in finding him or her. They are searching all the time, keeping their eyes wide open. But when do you know that you have found the right person? Can you ever be sure about that? Can it be, that you first love someone and then, after some years, love someone else, or do you think if you found the actual right one, you can and will always love him or her for the rest of your life?

Maybe you would say you are changing and so the people around us. For a period of time one can be the right companion, but when you were drifting too far apart, someone else can be the right one. Or you say the right one chances with you, so he or she will always be the perfect fit. Whatever you think about it, it’s true. You have to be happy, every person deserves that. So even if you meet someone new and think you pretend that you can never fall in love with this person because you are in a happy relationship is wrong. If this person can make you happier even if you would have never considered that before and even if you knew that it would maybe hurt too many people, you should do what is right for you. Caring is the true sign that you really love someone. But if love hurts, it’s not the right thing to do. Then you have to find another solution. And then you are back: finding.

The biggest question is: what are you looking for? What do you expect to find? True love? Are you looking for love? When do you know you are in love with someone, and it’s not only a crush? Is there a 'checklist' to be sure? I honestly don’t think that some people look for the wrong thing.
We all know that we can survive even without our heart working. It is not a real life but it is possible. So if we give our heart away we have to be sure that we get another one in return, that we still can really live. If we won’t get it, we are suffering all the time. That is not a real life anymore and we have to find a way to get at least our heart back that we will have the chance to give it to someone who deserves it. So is action and reaction, giving your heart and receiving another in return. Only this is working and that is what we all should be looking for. Then you know, it’s real and love. When you are still living, after you gave your heart someone else.